Silver Linings

To Stick…

Hello again.
I offer this in peace and from my heart…please receive it in the same Light, k?

The way I have come to understand it, life naturally seeks balance. So, in a dualistic system, balance is achieved through the pendulum swinging back and forth, from one pole to the other. And the further out it swings to one side, it must swing that far out on the other, to maintain balance. The law of opposites doing its thing.

Hence, what goes up, must come down. What we praise, we will ultimately need to fault or tear down. What we love the most, often becomes that which we also feel the most disdain for. And on and on it goes….until a conscious choice to intervene is made.

In May, I wrote here on the site about my process of waking up to the intolerable level of pain I had come to experience from the incessant loop of dualistic thought tapes that played loudly in my head. THEY are the messages that told me what was right with something or someone, and then later, what was now wrong with them (including myself). The flip-flopping felt powerful and righteous to me for most of my life. And yet, in May, the part of me that was awakening could no longer be numb to the pain I felt by my inner judgments of myself or anyone else (the “ONE love” was waking up!). I could feel the violence toward myself and others simply from believing the judgments those tape loops shouted to me.

This particular time, I became aware of how intolerable it felt to still be unconsciously listening to…AND BELIEVING…the lies of the negative tape loops telling me how my body was flawed, when I saw myself in the mirror. Even though I KNOW the loving truth about my body, I realized that I would still unconsciously listen to the hateful, negative lies of the tape loop, and then before I knew it, I was thinking about how awful this or that looks…..picking myself to pieces, like I’m a “thing” with “parts”. I just could not stand it any more!!!!!!

Also, at the same time, I was judging my sister, whom I dearly love and feel such a special, precious bond with; and yet, the voice in my dualistic thought loop was telling me how wrong she was and baiting me with that false sense of power that comes from feeling self-righteous and “right about what was wrong” with her. I “woke up” in the moment, and KNEW that this was NOT what I REALLY felt and knew to be true about her; and yet I could not make the obsessive and compulsive thoughts about her alleged guilt, stop. The combined pain and powerlessness I felt regarding these two awarenesses was suffocating. I knew there was no where to “run” to, and I was sick of all the running anyway! I felt like I literally was going mad.

This put me up against a vortex of suicidal feelings, as that scathing, loud voice in my head basically said, “OK….If you can’t stand this anymore, then you might as well kill yourself, because there is no way out. This IS your life!” What I knew from being at this wall many times before, is that if I was willing to face down the lies of this dualistic choice, I would get through to the other side. THIS time, however, I was sooo fed up with getting to this place that I was fully open to finding a NEW, third option…..and that is when I “woke up” from being trapped in the dualistic loop of my consciousness.

The night this happened for me, the emotional pain I was in was excruciating, and no longer tolerable. I laid down on the floor, and I asked for major help. I turned inward and faced those deep feelings of powerlessness. I allowed the deep sobs to come up, and I finally just let myself cry, without holding back. I literally felt like I was dying, and like I had no idea what was going to become of me.

When the crying stopped, a big, quiet, wide-open loving expanse opened up in my inner awareness (that’s the best way I know how to put the experience of this into words). I was shown….like through grace…. that the third option was for me to CHOOSE to LOVE all of what duality does and is, without judging the one polarity of it and embracing the other…because that is what kept me engaged in the cycle. This meant that I could feel myself outside of duality, looking in, and loving it for being the place I had chosen to come to, to learn about “that which I AM”. In those moments, with wet and snotty Kleenexes all around me, I felt a calm and peace come over me, the likes of which I have never known before. This realization, and the accompanying calm and peace and quiet, loving expansiveness, have not left me since.

I’ve heard it said that it takes a “breakdown” to get to a “breakthrough”. This is so true in my experience. It took surrendering into the breakdown of my prior reality, before this breakthrough to a new way of Being could occur! This showed me that all the studying I had done, and all the knowledge I had gained in 3D duality, truly could NOT serve to wake me up FROM duality. Letting go into my feelings of utter powerlessness and hopelessness to change duality, to find true peace there, or to move beyond it, is precisely what led me on out of the prison of my duality mind. I had finally made it to the crossroad where facing the void of “not knowing” had now become the best option, even if it did kill me. (This is precisely why I feel so passionately about saying the “Big Yes” in our lives! For me, already being committed to my full destiny through living the path of my Big Yes is the ONLY way I was able to trust and surrender to this degree).

I still feel triggered into the opportunity to become polarized in my thinking, but most of the time, I am now able to see what is happening within me, and I can choose right then and there to face what has just come to my awareness for release (that which no longer serves me). I now see duality as the very tool I can use for my continued awakening, by facing the dualistic feelings that get triggered, from a different vantage point. I realize that this IS how I am ascending in my consciousness, from duality into oneness. I truly do experience this as being a “system” or “paradigm” shift in my consciousness.

Triggers from duality now call me to find the “zero point” place on the continuum; to walk straight down the middle of the two poles of duality; and right on into my heart, into the ONE HEART LOVE, where I can embrace and release my beliefs in the wrongness or rightness of anything, and ALL things. This is the place where I can truly appreciate all experiences of duality, (from outside of the system of duality), for I have needed them all to learn about that which I AM, from the backdrop of that which I am NOT. In the zero point place of Loving It All, I can now feel the value of everything that I have walked through IN duality. I feel EXTREMELY humbled and grateful that I am now able to experience life this way!!

|___________________( )_________________|
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ZERO POINT
~~~~~~~~~Road leading to the 3rd option
~~~~~~~~~Oneness/Unity Consciousness
~~~~~~~~~~~~~The ONE Heart

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Stick….What I am wondering is if something similar to what I experienced with the ways of duality is what is up with you toward me. You are clearly a passionate man, and your passion clearly is felt toward both of the poles of duality.

I’m including here your post to me from May 31, in which you were kind and full of praise for me. Since then, anything I have heard from you concerning your views toward me have been the polar opposite of what you expressed in this post. That makes sense to me, as in duality consciousness, the pendulum must swing back in the other direction.
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Stick #173
May 31, 2010

@AscendingRedRobin#164: I’m deeply moved and humbled by your words. I remember telling you early on when you arrived at GM, that I sensed a deep strength in you. That certainly has not changed. It’s impossible not to honor the metamorphosis you have gone through Sister. No joke; you now seem like a bright emanation of the Sacred Feminine Principle. Someone who has truly returned to their Belonging. There’s a confidence in you that can be a bit overwhelming, so be careful how you trod down the path. As you well know Robin, there are many in this world, who would like nothing more than to shove you back into a cocoon. Don’t let them! There’s simply not enough(time) left to fuck around. But I know you already know that. So stay focused on your deepest intent. And never forget the battle cry of the spiritual warrior:

“FRRREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEDDDDOOOOOOOOOOOOOMM!!!”
I don’t believe in goodbyes, so -till next time. Much Love & Raspect

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In this post you say, ” There’s a confidence in you that can be a bit overwhelming, so be careful how you trod down the path. As you well know Robin, there are many in this world, who would like nothing more than to shove you back into a cocoon. Don’t let them!”

If you feel overwhelmed by my confidence, is that not yours to address within you? As in asking yourself what gets triggered in you by my confidence? and why you become reactionary to my posts? and why you feel the need to dissect my posts, and question the validity of my ways of expressing myself? Perhaps this is actually much more about the “Universe” trying to get YOUR attention about your OWN process of awakening? At some point, I feel your inner process will call you to put down the sword of debate and separateness, and of righteous opinion and projection (releasing that which no longer serves your awakening process), in order for you to truly claim your OWN deepest Self and Unity Consciousness.

To my knowledge, Stick, you are the only person who has attempted to tear me down and shove me back into a cocoon. And yet, (silver lining!), I thank you for giving me the opportunity to stand even more firmly in my deep truth as to who I know I AM. This in turn, helps me feel the deep truth of who YOU ARE….a fellow precious Spark of the Divine, in the messy process of awakening from duality to the TRUTH of your BEING-ness….beyond duality consciousness.

I know that in my process, when I spent time analyzing others and projecting onto them what my tape loops of duality brainwashing told me to, in all honesty, I felt like total crap; I felt like I was somehow betraying and violating my Self and that of the others! I was no where near feeling any amount of true joy or peace…..(not exactly the level of vibrational frequency that would to add to the “Light Quotient” on the planet)! And so, from my experience, I wonder if you, too, actually do NOT feel all that great analyzing and projecting your judgments onto me, and taking the righteous stance that you know far more about me and my life than I do. I wonder if that brings you any true joy, or if you can truly feel any peace in that place…..I wonder if the ways and tools of the 3D-duality spiritual warrior actually still serve you at this juncture….

My hunch is that you are seeing into the mirror of your own awakening, through my process, and it scares the crap out of the hold duality consciousness has on you. When I begin to feel the crumbling of an old way of behaving in my life, my sense of reality feels threatened and I become very uncomfortable. I have often thought something outside of me was the cause of my discomfort, and so I would often rag on or rage at whoever I mistakenly thought was the cause. (This always kept me from being able to connect to the internal and TRUE source of my discomfort)! Onto those I have had the deepest connections with have I spewed the worst of my dualistic venom, when triggered into a loop of dualistic insanity. (And yet, what I have come to realize is that ultimately, since others serve as my mirrors, and are in fact, me –InLakesh– that I was actually judging and spewing that venom onto myself, as well. This is yet another form of self-hatred that our brainwashing has taught us well how to engage in, through our dualistic consciousness!)

I know you feel a loving connection toward me, and our souls no doubt arranged to meet up here to play this out. And yet, in the majority of your interactions here with me, you have been focused on me and my process, rather than addressing what may be your own internal experience of discomfort from an emotional trigger of some kind. (Duality has taught us all so well to look outside of ourselves for the problem when we feel discomfort; and yet the discomfort is an internal cue from our internal connection to our True Selves). So, I’m wondering….is it possible that by focusing on what’s up with me, you miss out on knowing what is really “UP” with YOU? I do not feel that it is vital that you understand my process, Stick. But I do feel that it is vital that you turn inward and consciously give yourself the time, love and attention that your own internal process may be calling on you for….(hence the discomfort). Many of the messages these days encourage us all to move our focus from thinking about life from our heads, to feeling life from our hearts. Your own heart IS the last frontier, and it is precisely the portal WHERE your ascension will take place!! And with the amount of passion that is obviously in your heart, a powerful “warrior of the heart” you already are…..IF you so choose! I say, “Go for it”! You deserve it, Stick, for it is where true freedom already reigns; where the battle is already won!

You supported me in this previous post to stay focused on my deepest intent. Having committed to my full destiny (my Big Yes), that is a built-in given each day for me. My deepest intent is to serve the ONE LOVE, from within the ONE LOVE, to the best of my ability. I also passionately stated, “There’s simply not enough (time) left to fuck around.” Agreed! This is why I am as passionate as I am; and why I freely share all that I have to share.

The flow of my life now truly does follow the guidance of my soft and loving Inner Voice (rather than the tyranny of the loud voice that used to unconsciously “run” me). This new flow has me very consciously and fully disengaging from all that has previously made up my personal life…..including fully letting go of my daughter (which she totally “gets” and it’s like she always knew this time would come); and, releasing my deep friendship with Laurinda (major ouch!)…literally e-v-e-r-y-t-h-i-n-g…all ties to this life. The intensity of letting go emotionally and of the amped-up ascension symptoms that I experience is often beyond what I ever imagined. But regardless of that, I feel honored to be here, to BE ME, experiencing all of this….consciously experiencing and participating in the evolution of humanity! This is what I came here to do, and it is what my inner process is “organically” doing! Although it looks very strange to many, including myself, I have great trust that by surrendering to it I am serving humanity in the ways I am meant to. I trust in where this amazing journey is ultimately taking me, even though the days of figuring ANYTHING out are completely over for me!

I have recently found Lauren Gorgo’s website where others are sharing about their experiences; ones that are very similar to those I have. This has been extremely helpful to me. Many, just like me, experience this ascension process very differently than most others who are on the path, especially right now….and there is a reason for that. This just is, and it is necessary. The labels used for people having these kinds of experiences is totally unimportant and irrelevant. But what is important is that I now better understand where I fit into the big puzzle. It is simply about the different roles we volunteered for here, and the changes that we are now experiencing as individuals, and as groups of souls, to fulfill certain tasks and phases. Here is what Lauren recently wrote on her forum that is EXACTLY what my life has been going through, long before I read any of this from anyone else:
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“The only thing we do know with any vague certainty is that the energetic (galactic & celestial) peak toward planetary evolution (ascension) culminates in 2012 and the pathpavers/wayshowers will have completed their biological rewiring before the masses so they can be the living examples of “what’s next” on this planet. This rewiring is already pretty evident in how far removed we all feel from mainstream society, and how “far out” we seem to most of them.

At this stage of the game, the best indicators of the timing of forward movement for each of us seems to be in our external lives…that is to say, our past life…in this lifetime…and our future life now coming into being.

For instance…for those ready to retire and/or lead the planet, you should be seeing your past life wrap up before your eyes…endings and completions are abounding now and there should be little you have left to process or finalize. This goes for emotional baggage as well as material. It is also pretty common at this juncture to experience a life-review of sorts where you are starting to look at the whole of your past, but through very different, very detached & very loving eyes. You may feel great distance now between the new you and the you who brought you to this point.

You will also know a new beginning is about to birth in your life if you feel completely empty…I mean C O M P L E T E L Y. Like you could care less if someone set your house on fire, empty.

Similar to a physical death, there is just nothing left in this dimension that you are interested in or attached to…except maybe your new earth creations if you’ve gotten that far, but even these inspirations are waning right now in preparation for a total rebirth. What that rebirth will be like, remains to be seen…in a very literal way.”
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And so, my brother….I am not attempting to talk you out of where you are, nor tell you anything that your deepest truth doesn’t already know. I trust your process. I support you in always being open to allowing it to take you where IT needs for you to go. I simply share with you from my own experiences and from the respect and compassion I have for the road you walk. I know we are both heading exactly where we are meant to go, and obviously our paths were meant to cross, as part of the journey for each of us. Through keyboards and screens, we may never fully “get” what each other is attempting to convey, and we really don’t need to. The enormous gift here, at least for me, is that our exchanges have challenged me to continue to look within and live from my heart; to do my OWN inner work; to remain in my integrity; and to claim my truth and my sovereignty, to the best of my ability, NO MATTER WHAT. THIS is FREEDOM!!!

Also, the opportunity to write this to you has served as another piece of the life review process that I have been engaged in lately! So, although it has not been an easy time of it with you, it definitely has its “silver linings”! Thank you again for your role in my process of awakening since finding the GM site!

Because I feel that our Souls are attempting to serve each other (by “meeting up” here, and by the level of intensity of our interactions), I ask that you please sit for a time with what I have said to you, to ALLOW for a new and different level of “listening” or “hearing me” to occur. I have been as honest and clear as I know to be, Stick, and it is my intent that I have written in a way that can best allow for your understanding, and for the completion of what ever it is I am meant to give to you.

I do not hang out here on the site as I did before. I thought I just came back the other day to post the 2 articles (and I guess kick up some dust, as well…), and yet now I see that there was more in the wings for me to come back for (this). I tell you this so you will know that even though I have definitely been pulled to take the time to write this and post it to you, I am not being pulled to hang out here at the site. So, in time, if you have a response for me, I am sure the dudettes would be happy to pass one on to me in an email message from you…..just to let you know how you could reach me, if you wish to, without me being on the site.

I lovingly and respectfully ask that from now on, you allow my process to stand on its own, trusting that what guides my path knows what IT is doing. Heck, I figure that if I have to trust it without being able to figure it out, you can too. Besides, you deserve to free yourself now from the push you feel to understand my process, and give more love and attention to your own….deal?

This quote has been extremely helpful to me…..
“We all have our own individual experience of life, and it stands on its own. Our greatest gift to others is to have total respect for their unique experiences of life. This will relieve most of our shortcomings and brings us humility”. ~Author unknown

In Light, in Peace, and with utmost respect and love for you, my brother Stick!
I wish you well on your unique journey!

Your perfectly IMPERFECT sister and fellow traveler, Robin

Stick…
Just a quick note to tell you that I do not need to know the answers to the questions I posed to you. I asked them purely as a means for inviting you to consider and answer them for yourself…