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Who the *Bleep* IS Red Robin, anyway?


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    From my internal vantage point, I can only be “the me that I am” in any given moment,  and share from that place.  But to some, I may be perceived as a flake, a fake, or simply one who has gone off the spiritual deep end.  So I have been internally “nudged” to “spill some more beans” and share a bit more about my life’s path, and why that may be significant to others here.  Although long, this is really more about all of you, than it is about me!

     

    ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

    Some background:

     

    I have a single memory from when I was about 5 years old, one that has intrigued me all of my life.  The memory is simply this:  In the early morning sunlight, on a warm summer morning, I stood in the back yard looking up at the sky. In that moment, I was filled with the “knowing” of a future time, and these words reverberated within me….”I GET to BE ME”. 

     

    In my life’s darkest times, that little phrase has come to my awareness, acting as an inner audio beacon that kept me on course.  Each time I would be “at the wall” with some circumstance or issue and would remember that phrase, I would think, “Well, even though this “me” that I’m presently gettin’ to be feels like crap, I’m just gonna hang in here, so I can  get to THAT ME who seems to be real excited to BE ME“.   

     

    I have gone to therapy for many years; without it I would not be here now, no question about it.  My therapist has been through her own awakening process, and for her it was a slow and gradual process.  She has taught me how to trust my life’s process of becoming and remembering ME.  She has shown me that I can face the stuff that scares the crap out of me, and by doing so, I awaken to who I am on the other side!  

     

    She has a great analogy about the events of our lives.  She says that she envisions a giant funnel above our heads, in which all the events and experiences of our lives have been placed; and that they are blended and worked together in divinely mysterious ways, perfectly bringing us to each and every NOW moment. 

     

    And so it is that right now, I am at a place where I can better see ”who the bleep” I AM, and a bit more of what my little memory has always been pointing me towards.

     

    My therapist is amazed at the speed with which my awakening process has moved.  At this point, she said her only job is to keep monitoring my level of grounded-ness as I move through the waves.  She said that if I wasn’t so grounded, she would suspect that I was manic.

     

    I know what manic looks like.  My mother was manic depressive.  My therapist says that she believes that bi-polar or manic depression is a very spiritual phenomenon, BUT it is NOT grounded.  My mother was naturally very spiritual , and would get lots of inspired ideas.  She loved humanity and the world, and in that “middle place”– between the manic and the depressed times — she was a very special mom!  The feeling of realizing the higher truths would get her so “high”, that her tie with 3D would get very chaotic and things of 3D life would just spin out into craziness for us all.  She could not maintain the “knowing” of her inspired truths (being able to live from them instead of her 3D consciousness), and so when she had to address the 3D level, the depression would hit.  Years of this took a huge toll on my mom, and from her mid 40s until she was 58, she lived mostly in deep depression.  She suicided in 1991, when she was 58.  Us kids were actually relieved and happy for her that her Soul’s journey could at least move on and continue to advance on the other side of the veil.  We had already grieved the loss of our “mom” long before that.

     

    Looking back, I understand her life so much more from this vantage point, and I see how I am like her.  My determination to create a different outcome from the ups and downs of my life has pushed me to find, and live from, my grounded-ness.  This allows for me to move through the process of “getting” and integrating the awarenesses that I receive; and I feel it is the best way I can honor my mom’s life.

     

    ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

     

    Moving on….(this will tie in soon)

     

    One of the experiences that has been added to my funnel is the following:

     

    Last Spring, my neighbor hooked up my computer with a wireless adaptor from his computer….it worked for a short time, and then didn’t.  I was not online again until October, shortly after which I stumbled onto the GM site.

     

    But one day during that short time I had internet access in the Spring, I received a very direct and out-of-the-blue assignment from my inner guidance.  I was told to get on the computer and look up the numerology of my birth date.  I had heard of numerology before, but I had never felt the urge to check it out for myself.  So, without question or delay, I got on-line and did as I was “nudged” to do.     

     

    I learned that in numerology,  the number from the birth date is called the Life Path or Destiny number.  My birth date is 7-9-1957 and it adds up to 38, which =11.   Here is a bit of what I found written about this, the parts that are spot on as to my experience of “being me”.

     

    The 11 is one of the Master Numbers 

    Master Numbers (in general):

    They are called Master numbers because they possess more potential than other numbers. They are highly charged, difficult to handle, and require time, maturity, and great effort to integrate into one’s personality.

    The 11 is the most intuitive of all numbers. It represents illumination; a channel to the subconscious; insight without rational thought; and sensitivity, nervous energy, shyness, and impracticality. It is a dreamer. The 11 has all the aspects of the 2, enhanced and charged with charisma, leadership, and inspiration. It is a number with inborn duality, which creates dynamism, inner conflict, and other catalyses with its mere presence. The 11 walks the edge between greatness and self-destruction. Its potential for growth, stability, and personal power lies in its acceptance of intuitive understanding, and of spiritual truths. For the 11, such peace is not found so much in logic, but in faith. It is the psychic’s number.


    Life Path 11:

    You have the potential to be a source of inspiration and illumination for people. You possess an inordinate amount of energy and intuition.

     

    You have far more potential than you know. You inspire people, but without your conscious effort. Energy seems to flow through you without your controlling it. This gives you both power and sometimes emotional turmoil. You are a channel for information between the higher and the lower, between the realm of the archetype and the relative world. Ideas, thoughts, understanding, and insight – all of these can come to you without your having to go through a rational thought process. There seems to be a bridge, or connection, between your conscious and unconscious realms, attuning you to a high level of intuition through which even psychic information can flow. All of this amounts to a great capacity for invention. Many inventors, artists, religious leaders, prophets, and leading figures in history have had the 11 prominent in their chart.

     

    You are blessed with a message, or a specific role to play in life. But you must develop yourself sufficiently to take full advantage of that opportunity. Until that time, your inner development takes precedence over your ability to materialize the great undertaking you were chosen to perform. Consequently, 11s seem to develop slowly, but they simply have more to accomplish in their evolution than the average person. Thus, your real success does not usually begin until maturity, between the ages of 35 and 45, when you have progressed f
    -------------
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    Please feel free to spread the information and repost this.' /> Post to MySpace!
    Who the Bleep IS Red Robin, anyway?
     
    {This is a question I have asked myself many times.} Smile
     
    From my internal vantage point, I can only be “the me that I am” in any given moment,  and share from that place.  But to some, I may be perceived as a flake, a fake, or simply one who has gone off the spiritual deep end.  So I have been internally “nudged” to “spill some more beans” and share a bit more about my life’s path, and why that may be significant to others here.  Although long, this is really more about all of you, than it is about me!
     
    ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
    Some background:
     
    I have a single memory from when I was about 5 years old, one that has intrigued me all of my life.  The memory is simply this:  In the early morning sunlight, on a warm summer morning, I stood in the back yard looking up at the sky. In that moment, I was filled with the “knowing” of a future time, and these words reverberated within me….”I GET to BE ME”. 
     
    In my life’s darkest times, that little phrase has come to my awareness, acting as an inner audio beacon that kept me on course.  Each time I would be “at the wall” with some circumstance or issue and would remember that phrase, I would think, “Well, even though this “me” that I’m presently gettin’ to be feels like crap, I’m just gonna hang in here, so I can  get to THAT ME who seems to be real excited to BE ME“.   
     
    I have gone to therapy for many years; without it I would not be here now, no question about it.  My therapist has been through her own awakening process, and for her it was a slow and gradual process.  She has taught me how to trust my life’s process of becoming and remembering ME.  She has shown me that I can face the stuff that scares the crap out of me, and by doing so, I awaken to who I am on the other side!  
     
    She has a great analogy about the events of our lives.  She says that she envisions a giant funnel above our heads, in which all the events and experiences of our lives have been placed; and that they are blended and worked together in divinely mysterious ways, perfectly bringing us to each and every NOW moment. 
     
    And so it is that right now, I am at a place where I can better see ”who the bleep” I AM, and a bit more of what my little memory has always been pointing me towards.
     
    My therapist is amazed at the speed with which my awakening process has moved.  At this point, she said her only job is to keep monitoring my level of grounded-ness as I move through the waves.  She said that if I wasn’t so grounded, she would suspect that I was manic.
     
    I know what manic looks like.  My mother was manic depressive.  My therapist says that she believes that bi-polar or manic depression is a very spiritual phenomenon, BUT it is NOT grounded.  My mother was naturally very spiritual , and would get lots of inspired ideas.  She loved humanity and the world, and in that “middle place”– between the manic and the depressed times — she was a very special mom!  The feeling of realizing the higher truths would get her so “high”, that her tie with 3D would get very chaotic and things of 3D life would just spin out into craziness for us all.  She could not maintain the “knowing” of her inspired truths (being able to live from them instead of her 3D consciousness), and so when she had to address the 3D level, the depression would hit.  Years of this took a huge toll on my mom, and from her mid 40s until she was 58, she lived mostly in deep depression.  She suicided in 1991, when she was 58.  Us kids were actually relieved and happy for her that her Soul’s journey could at least move on and continue to advance on the other side of the veil.  We had already grieved the loss of our “mom” long before that.
     
    Looking back, I understand her life so much more from this vantage point, and I see how I am like her.  My determination to create a different outcome from the ups and downs of my life has pushed me to find, and live from, my grounded-ness.  This allows for me to move through the process of “getting” and integrating the awarenesses that I receive; and I feel it is the best way I can honor my mom’s life.
     
    ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
     
    Moving on….(this will tie in soon)
     
    One of the experiences that has been added to my funnel is the following:
     
    Last Spring, my neighbor hooked up my computer with a wireless adaptor from his computer….it worked for a short time, and then didn’t.  I was not online again until October, shortly after which I stumbled onto the GM site.
     
    But one day during that short time I had internet access in the Spring, I received a very direct and out-of-the-blue assignment from my inner guidance.  I was told to get on the computer and look up the numerology of my birth date.  I had heard of numerology before, but I had never felt the urge to check it out for myself.  So, without question or delay, I got on-line and did as I was “nudged” to do.     
     
    I learned that in numerology,  the number from the birth date is called the Life Path or Destiny number.  My birth date is 7-9-1957 and it adds up to 38, which =11.   Here is a bit of what I found written about this, the parts that are spot on as to my experience of “being me”.
     

    The 11 is one of the Master Numbers 

    Master Numbers (in general):

    They are called Master numbers because they possess more potential than other numbers. They are highly charged, difficult to handle, and require time, maturity, and great effort to integrate into one’s personality.

    The 11 is the most intuitive of all numbers. It represents illumination; a channel to the subconscious; insight without rational thought; and sensitivity, nervous energy, shyness, and impracticality. It is a dreamer. The 11 has all the aspects of the 2, enhanced and charged with charisma, leadership, and inspiration. It is a number with inborn duality, which creates dynamism, inner conflict, and other catalyses with its mere presence. The 11 walks the edge between greatness and self-destruction. Its potential for growth, stability, and personal power lies in its acceptance of intuitive understanding, and of spiritual truths. For the 11, such peace is not found so much in logic, but in faith. It is the psychic’s number.

    Life Path 11:
    You have the potential to be a source of inspiration and illumination for people. You possess an inordinate amount of energy and intuition.
     
    You have far more potential than you know. You inspire people, but without your conscious effort. Energy seems to flow through you without your controlling it. This gives you both power and sometimes emotional turmoil. You are a channel for information between the higher and the lower, between the realm of the archetype and the relative world. Ideas, thoughts, understanding, and insight – all of these can come to you without your having to go through a rational thought process. There seems to be a bridge, or connection, between your conscious and unconscious realms, attuning you to a high level of intuition through which even psychic information can flow. All of this amounts to a great capacity for invention. Many inventors, artists, religious leaders, prophets, and leading figures in history have had the 11 prominent in their chart.
     
    You are blessed with a message, or a specific role to play in life. But you must develop yourself sufficiently to take full advantage of that opportunity. Until that time, your inner development takes precedence over your ability to materialize the great undertaking you were chosen to perform. Consequently, 11s seem to develop slowly, but they simply have more to accomplish in their evolution than the average person. Thus, your real success does not usually begin until maturity, between the ages of 35 and 45, when you have progressed further along your path.
    The 11 is the number associated with spiritual awareness.  It yields understanding and knowledge beyond the grasp of others.  Your attitude toward life is somewhat extreme.  You are extremely intuitive, idealistic, visionary.You expect a great deal from yourself and those around you.  When on target, your ideas seem to have been inspired on high.
    ~~~~~~~
    Well, I was blown away by reading this, as I have always been such a mystery unto myself!!  THIS helped me to understand why I’ve been the ways I’ve been, and why my inner experience of life is the way it is. 
     
    I felt “nudged” to look further, and saw that there is also a number that comes from adding the # designations of the letters in my full name, called my Expression Number.  According to numerology, there is no accident in our names being what they are.  When I added up the numbers of my full name, I found that they add up to 22….called the second ”master” number.  Here is a bit about that:
    Expression 22
    You are the master builder. You possess a unique gift for perceiving something in the archetypal world – infinite and divine – and making some semblance of it manifest on earth.  You dream big.  Of all the numbers, yours possesses the greatest potential for accomplishment. At the same time, you possess the greatest liability. What it will require of you to fulfill your potential is nothing less than your entire life.
    You must advance well into adulthood before you can begin to make use of your power and truly commit to your destiny. The promise and reward of your Expression is equaled only by the degree of difficulty and struggle necessary to realize its potential. The number 22 offers those who fully realize it a chance to jump into another dimension in which your day is expanded, your capacity to create and inspire multiplied.  You are blessed with a farsighted vision. Your efforts are directed toward great accomplishments and long-standing progress. You deeply want to make a lasting contribution, and you have all the tools necessary to do just that.
    ~~~~~~~
    Then I found there is a Minor Expression number.  This is found from adding up the letters of the name I introduce myself as…for me, it’s my first and last names, leaving out my middle name.  This number is another 11…the 22 of my full name, less the 11 of my middle name.
    For this 11:
    Your short name increases your sensitivity, intuition, and perceptiveness. It leads you toward deeper investigation of the mysteries of life. You are attracted to spiritual understanding.  At the same time, your Minor Expression number makes you more sensitive to your own shortcomings. It encourages you to work on yourself. You cannot avoid personal transformation under this influence.  Your heightened intuitive powers bring highly creative ideas, sudden insights, and realizations 
    ________________________________________________________
     
    Ok…so what this all showed me — and why I feel I am meant to share it with you – is that I am unmistakeably and undeniably hard wired to do what I do, and “be” how I “be”!…..and that IS the foundation of my particular Big Yes….my spiritual blueprint.  It is who I am meant to be, and live out, and share.  This information resonated with me big time, as it described much of how I have experienced being me (after all, none of us come with an instruction manual)!  It also helped me begin to know that I am not a flake or “too far out there”, but rather that I have been entrusted with a gift, one which I endeavor to embrace with humility and wisdom.   
     
    Just a few days after the day I found this information on-line, I no longer was able to receive the wireless connection, and this was the only day I actually logged on with this “temporary” and ”synchronistic” connection!   Being led to look up this information coincided with the time my daughter move out and began living with her dad.  So, much of those next few months I spent dealing with emotionally letting go of my daughter, and so this information just hung out in my funnel; I felt no pull to do any more with it.       
     
    What I find fascinating about this is the obvious orchestration of the contents of my funnel to include learning about this information; my daughter moving out, leaving my life open for something new; and being led to finding the GM site.
     
    ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
     
    And so what I’m wondering is this:
     
    Why are we all here?….I mean “at GM” here?
     
    We all know there is a flow in our lives, and that a spiritual energy is actually guiding the “contents” of our lives….(what goes into our funnels).  And so, could it be anything other than “part of the plan” for any of us to have been led here, and for GM to become part of our funnel’s contents?  
     
    I know that for me, in my conscious awareness, I had no idea I would learn all that I have since coming to this site.  Likewise, I had no idea that I would find the vital soul connections here with Laurinda and Sped, both of which have hugely facilitated and advanced the evolution of my path.  I also did not know that I would gain all these new awarenesses and be driven from within to spend so much time in this chair putting them in writing, to share them here with you. 
     
    I also did not know that in January, I would come across Solara’s 2010 Surf Report.  That is the next time I was reminded of what I learned concerning the numerology. Solara states:
     

    The First Wave [same as "wayshowers", from my understanding] are those older souls who have been on this planet for a very long time. We came here under the Master Number 11 to Anchor the New. We have lots of Earth experience and have gathered an abundance of wisdom and knowledge.

     
    This felt like another piece of my puzzle,  as I also deeply resonated with what it went on to say about the 2010 path for some in this group.  I had no need for a label; just a way to help me feel out where my process was taking me.     
     
    For me, the term “wayshower” refers to those, like me, whose lives have called them exclusively to fully “show up”, be committed to growth, waking up and becoming real, no matter what….but for a higher purpose, beyond their own benefit.  The call to step up like this was because we would later be called on to “show” others the “way” through these NOW times!  This is exactly what being me has felt like for years  and why I feel the extreme push now to share all I have to share!   I know that I have faced down fear so many times not just for me, but more for what this will help to build–a consciousness bridge between “what was” and “What Is To Be”!   The truth (I now realize), is that I did all of my therapy for the better part of 20 years….for you guys, too….!!  Because now, on this side of  having distilled what the evolution of my path has gleaned, I am handing it off to you, as a gift.  All of us in this group have done our work to give to you what you need to move on from here.  That’s why the term “waves” is used.  It is not a hierarchical thing; I view it as rather a built-in order and energetic structure to the growing consciousness and Light grids of Gaia and Humanity   
     
    Yet, this  is the only site where I have been sharing what I write, because I have had no pull to do otherwise….but WHY?, I ask myself.
     
    Is it possible that what I have been led to share here and compile on the other board is precisely for those of you who are here?  Isn’t it possible that the reason many of us feel so drawn here and keep returning is because there is something specific that our Higher Selves want us to be here for?
     
    Because here’s what I know for darn sure…..In my years of inner work, I sure wish I had known about how much I had been brainwashed; and that it was up to me to consciously and personally take back my hijacked free-will and then USE it to CHOOSE to free myself from the effects of the brainwashing in my OWN consciousness.  I sure wish I had known about the “Big Yes” earlier on my path, and how it is guaranteed to reinstate me on my original path to full mastery!  I really wish I had known about the Law of Opposites and how understanding and accepting that Law takes one’s ability to embrace and awaken from duality to a whole new level!  And that this would lead me right to the “zero point” place, the ”straight and narrow path” leading straight through the poles of duality into the ONE HEART Love of Source. 
     
    You see, these are all awarenesses that have come to me…through me…since coming here to the GM site.  I needed to live out the evolution of them coming into being in my own consciousness, in order to have them now to give to you.  And now, after reviewing my numerology information, I know for a fact that my role has been one of a “wayshower” or member of the “bridge brigade”.  I see that, in alignment with my Higher Self, I was meant to fully grow into this “role” while being here on this site, and then leave my work behind here for you to benefit from.  There are no accidents, and we are all always where we are supposed to be! 
     
    ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
     
    What I have shared with you is what there is for some of YOU to put into practice now….WITHOUT all the therapy!!  These are inspired “short cuts”, designed to bring you out of the grogginess of brainwashed duality and into your awakened state, from which your Light Service can flow.  And you have SOOOOO much help right now to move “onward and upward”!  Understand that for these many years of our intense work, all of the galactic, angelic and energetic help WAS NOT HERE to support our growth, as ”wayshowers”  like it is here for you now!! 
     
    Please realize this!!  We are handing you new evolutionary tools, ones that the consciousness we have grown into have forged from our determined and often grueling work.  I can only speak for myself, but I know that handing them off to you is why I was always moving forward, studying and doing the inner work .   
     
    Are there any serious takers?  Would you be willing to check in and ask yourself if there is a chance that your Higher Self has you here to accept and utilize these tools that Red Robin’s Higher Self brought her here to share?  If you find that the answer is yes, are you willing to roll up your sleeves and ask your Higher Self to be the voice for your path from now on?  Are you willing to step up to the plate and consciously place your life and Being onto the path that you originally said ”yes” to when you “heard the call” to come to Earth in the first place?  And then, are you willing to consciously work daily, hourly, moment-by-moment to restore yourself to Who You Really Are?  
     
    Can you feel it in the air that “THIS IS IT”?  Will you choose to stop looking outside yourself for what you are looking for and realize that the “This is it!” feeling is coming from INSIDE of you?  
     
    Well, the tools are here, waiting to be picked up and used.  Check them out.  Give them a try.  Watch the miracles take place.  Keep using them…Master them!  Wear them out!!!  And support each other all the while!!!!
     
    As is obvious, Laurinda has fully stepped up to the plate on her own path, and she has openly embraced the tools that I had to offer her.  She has placed her integrity and loyalty to her Big Yes above all else, and it shows.  So, here she is, at the ready, to be of loving service to anyone who would like her support in putting these tools to use.
     
    I write all of this from a very unattached, impersonal place, meaning that I have no judgments or expectations.  And yet, please know that I feel a deep, unconditional love for all of you.  It is my deep pleasure to share with you the gems that my process has yielded, as they always were truly meant for you.  We’re all in this together!
     
    Please share anything you may find helpful to anyone you feel may also benefit, as these are tools for all to have and share.  Here again is the link to the board where my writings have been compiled:  http://www.galacticmessages.com/blog/2010/05/the-end-of-wings-and-the-death-of-the-old/#comments 
     
    ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
    It is my intent this brings you clarity, and that you can see that I share from what I feel I am meant to, from my heart to yours.  I have no personal stake in if you think it’s valid or not; I just followed the nudge to share this with you.  On a final note, I’d like to share with you what I found about the robin bird on an animal totem website.  Note that at this GM site, there’s not been just one, but  TWO  Robin’s….
    (Major loving “TWEET” to you, flock-mate!!)
     

    “Robin signifies stimulation of new growth and renewal in many areas of life.  S/He teaches that any changes can be made with joy, laughter and a song in the heart.  Robin shows how to ride the winds of passion within your heart and become independent through this change.  Robin will teach you how to move forward with grace, tenacity, perseverance and assertion.  Are you letting go of personal dramas?  Ones that no longer serve your higher purpose?  Are you exercising compassion and patience in mental, spiritual and emotional areas?  Robin will teach how to incorporate new beginnings with faith and trust in the process.  It is time to believe in yourself and use the inspiration that is given.  Listen carefully.  It is time to sing your own song for a new period in life force abounds.”

     
    And so, as I finish up what my Higher Self brought me here to do, I feel strongly that Robin. who remains here, along with our dear Sister Laurinda, and others, are here to encourage and support any who wish to find and sing a brand new, awakened Heart’s song!! 
     
    So, please check in and see if this resonates with you as to why you find yourself here at the GM site.  If it does, please honor that and follow through with where that may be leading you.  
     
    Great big ONE HEART blessings to one and all!  Your loving Red Robin
     
    ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ 
     
    Here’s the link if you want to see for yourself: http://www.starstuffs.com/animal_totems/dictionary_of_birds.htm
     
     
    Here are the links to the numerology site I found the information I quoted above:
     
     
     
  1. #1 Stick
    August 6, 2010 pm31 5:47 pm

    After reading you piece, I felt compelled to share this with you. Without going into detail, this article certainly affirmed some of the ‘Synchromystic’ turning points of my own path. Perhaps it will resonate…

    **An Eye-Opening Synchronicity**
    by Paul Levy

    When I was first introduced to the world of psychiatry in May of 1981 at 24 years of age, I experienced a particularly unique synchronistic event that rocked my world and changed my life forever. I burst onto the scene of psychiatry in a dramatic way, as a life-transforming event happened within the very first minute of my being admitted to my very first psychiatric hospital. I have a very real edge around sharing this synchronicity with others, however, as it brings up my fear of being pathologized, of being told I that I am just hallucinating or imagining, or worse yet, that I am crazy. This would just be a re-creation of the trauma earlier in my life when I did share this experience with my parents, friends and psychiatrists, and they did think I was crazy. This is why I’m more than a little gun-shy about sharing my story now. In the past I got really beat up for it, it seemed to upset just about everybody, and it got me in a lot of trouble. To get around my fear, I’ve even imagined telling the story as if it was “just a dream,” and didn’t actually happen in the so called waking state. But it did happen, at least in my experience.

    It feels like the right time to share this, as it feels like it’s not just my story. On the one hand, this synchronistic experience was tailor-made just for me, while on the other hand, it wasn’t just my experience, a circumstance meant solely for my personal consumption. It feels like it is a revelatory experience that contains gifts for all of us. It feels more right to share it now because it has taken me this many years to digest it, and to integrate the meaning of what was being shown to me so that I’d be able to share the story without identifying with the role. It also feels like the time is right to share this miraculous-seeming event because I’ve developed the psychological fluency so that I can now describe what my experience was in a way that I imagine will be received and taken in, instead of judged. Being archetypal, my synchronistic encounter is a self-reflection for all of us, revealing a process that exists deep within each one of us.

    ~THE STORY

    To place this event in context, a couple of years before this experience, I had suffered terrible abuse from the psychic hands of my father. The specific content is unimportant to the story I want to tell here. The salient feature is that I felt psychologically violated to my very core. The emotional abuse was so toxic that I literally woke up the day after one particularly bad incident with a fever, which from that day onwards lasted on and off, for a year. I went to doctors and hospitals, and no one could find anything physically wrong with me. Over the years I’ve realized that the fever was my mind-body’s way of attempting to integrate the overwhelming and shattering nature of the emotional trauma I had endured. This abuse changed the trajectory of my whole life. After the fever subsided, I was never even remotely the same, never to return to the seemingly normal life I had been living. It created enormous suffering for me, and yet, at the same time, it’s what inspired me to find my calling.

    The only refuge that I had found that made me feel any better from the overwhelming trauma was to step out of trying to figure my way out of the suffering with my mind, and instead, to simply watch what was happening inside of me, which is what meditation is. For about a year and a half I began doing very serious meditation practice called “vipassana,” known as “insight meditation,” or the practice of mindfulness, as a way of dealing with my troubles. One day I was sitting in meditation and all of a sudden, out of the blue, in one nano-second, a bolt of lightning ignited in my brain. The lightning bolt didn’t come from outside of myself, but originated from within the inner sky of my own mind-body. At the time I had no idea that being struck by a bolt of lightning, as with Zeus and his thunderbolts, symbolizes in mythologies the world over the initiation of a spiritual process.

    Within hours of being struck by that flash of lightning, I began merging with the spontaneity of the present moment, and entered into an ec-static (beyond stasis) state. The next day I began acting so unlike my ordinary, conditioned and repressed self that a close friend thought I was going crazy and had me brought, by ambulance, to Highland Hospital in Oakland, California. I had so “let go” that I was just following the process and going along for the ride. I was stepping out of myself in such a way that every moment was synchronistically and effortlessly creative and full in a way I had hardly even imagined was possible previously. I had become unself-conscious, at one with myself, as if I had stepped out of all restraints. It was as if I was released from any social conditioning, in that my actions were no longer a reaction to what I thought others thought. As if snapping out of a double-bind, I wasn’t limiting myself anymore. I wasn’t contracting against myself but simply getting out of my own way to let my light shine, as if I went from being a 75 watt light-bulb to being a million watt bulb. This was a dangerous situation, however, as at the time I certainly hadn’t yet developed the container within myself to channel this energy in a way that was socially acceptable. I had so surrendered to what was happening, which was the only thing that made sense to do, and the only thing that I could do, that I had stopped trying to control the situation. Little did I realize that upon entering the hallowed halls of psychiatry, my life would be changed forever.

    In the very first room I was brought to in that hospital, some sort of lounge for psychiatric patients, I saw among the group of patients a blind woman, whom I immediately approached. Her eyes were a blind person’s eyes, opaque, with no color or radiance at all. Without any thought on my part, I went right up to her and found myself staring at her eyes, saying over and over the following words: “All you have to do to see is open your eyes and look.” These words were literally coming through me, having fallen into my head, as if I was channeling them. I kept on getting closer and closer to her as I repeated these words, looking into her eyes all the while. What happened next, over the course of less than a minute, I will never forget. In front of my very eyes, her eyes began regaining their color and luminosity, going from the dead, diseased eyes of a blind person to normal, healthy, seeing eyes. She had regained her sight.

    At that moment, as if divinely choreographed, a beautiful woman doctor came into the room, gave me some pills to swallow, and brought me into another room. The attendants then strapped me on to a bed, where I was bound hand and foot. And there I spent the night. I remember lying there knowing I was going through a profound spiritual experience. It was hard not to realize this, after just having had the exchange with the now ex-blind woman. My encounter with her helped me to inwardly know that I wasn’t going crazy, but rather, was evidently going through some sort of spiritual awakening process. There is a correlation between abuse and spiritual awakening: The seeming miraculousness of what had happened with the blind woman feels inversely proportional to the horror of abuse that I was passing through via my relationship with my father, as if they were inverted mirror images of each other. While tied up, I remember feeling that whomever I would think of I was in some way connecting to and “bringing along” on my awakening, so I kept on expanding my imagination of whom I could bring along until I began thinking of everyone I had ever known and then some. Needless to say, I didn’t exactly get a normal night’s sleep that evening.

    The next morning, after I was unstrapped, I was brought to a room and the only other person in the room, sitting across a table from me, was, coincidentally, that same ex-blind woman. She’s looking at me and lovingly smiling from ear to ear, not having said one word to me as of yet. All of a sudden, it was as if a closed fist in my heart completely opened. It was perfectly clear to me that this was my heart chakra blossoming. This is described in spiritual literature as the opening of a thousand-petaled lotus, and though I had never had this happen to me before, it was an experience that I immediately recognized. I then had the spontaneous realization of what had happened between us the day before. I intuitively understood that her eyes had been physically fine, it was just that she was not letting herself open her (inner) eyes and look, which was “causing” her blindness. It was like she was keeping her inner, psychological eyes closed, was choosing not to look, and this was reflected through her apparent physical blindness. And the day before I somehow “saw” this, as if a clairvoyant part of myself had announced itself in a most eye-opening way. In addition, I somehow knew just what to say and do, as if I had become a conduit for some deeper, healing force to play itself out in form. It was also clear to me that it was no accident that she and I had come together. It was clearly a synchronistic meeting, one in which we were both playing roles in a deeper drama. As if we were telepathically connected, within a few moments she says to me “Aren’t you going to answer the phone call from Roy?” (my father’s name). These were, literally, the first words she spoke to me. Moments later the nurse came into the room and said my father was on the phone. Word had evidently reached my parents that their only child had been hospitalized with a nervous breakdown.

    ~STEPPING THROUGH THE LOOKING GLASS

    While in the hospital I found myself in an absurd situation: I’m in the midst of a full-blown, life-changing spiritual awakening and the doctors are interviewing me about my grasp on reality to see if I am crazy. In my “enthusiastic” (en-theos means to be filled with spirit) sharing with them about the revelatory experience I was having, I can only imagine how this certified in their minds that I was crazy. When this event happened with the blind woman, I couldn’t possibly have been prepared for the energies that this synchronicity helped to unleash, both within myself and in the field around me. Not having had time to integrate the overwhelming mystical experience that I was having, I was “crazy” not to realize that I shouldn’t be talking about my religious experience with people who were still entrained in consensus reality.

    I was let out of the hospital after three days, however, once I realized that if I simply appeared normal and talked about my problems, I could leave. When I got released from the hospital, whereas all of my friends and family thought I had suffered a psychotic break from reality, I knew something very important had happened. I intuitively sensed I needed to find someone to talk to who would understand what had occurred. I found out that there was a Burmese Buddhist monk named U Silananda, who was living across the bay in San Francisco. I went to see him and told him what had happened. He said that I was in luck, that one of the most spiritually developed practitioners of the twentieth century in his tradition had just arrived in the Bay Area, and that I should go and get his blessings. Within the week I was sitting at the feet of and being blessed by The Most Venerable Taungpulu Sayadaw, at 85 years old considered to be the greatest living Buddhist master of all of Burma. When I told him what had happened with the blind woman, he didn’t think I was crazy, but recognized that I was in the midst of a spiritual unfoldment.

    Over the next 16 months, I continued to have a series of over-the-top “non-consensus reality” experiences. Some of the experiences so defied the conventional laws of third dimensional time and space that they seemed physically impossible, as if they could only happen in a dream. Because I was still in the process of metabolizing what was happening to me, I was still learning how to express my experiences in a way that didn’t upset the applecart of consensus reality. As a result I was hospitalized at least three other times, as I tried to contain, understand and assimilate the deeper process that was happening both within me and in my outer life circumstances. Concretized by the psychiatric system as being mentally ill, the psychiatrists “hoped to one day make me a functioning member of society.” The event with the blind woman was also a demarcation point in my relationship with my family, who bought in hook, line and sinker to my psychiatric diagnosis. From that moment on it was as if we were living in two very different universes. Over the course of time my relationship with my family deteriorated, became more and more fractured, dis-connected, and estranged, until now, where I have no “blood” family left. But I have a huge spiritual family, which only continues to grow.

    My whole life changed from this synchronistic experience, as if I had given birth to a new part of myself. I was no longer living in the same universe that I was in the moment before this experience. From that moment on, I was inhabiting a world of expanded possibilities, where even the seemingly impossible now seemed possible. It was as if I had fallen through a rabbit hole, stepped through the looking glass, or passed through a portal, and found myself playing a role in a cosmic, visionary drama that certainly had my highest attention.

    ~DREAMWORK

    Even though the situation with that blind woman actually happened in waking life, it is quite profound to contemplate what happened symbolically, as if it were a dream. To see our life in this way is to view the events in our life as if they are a dream that a deeper part of us, what I call the “deeper, dreaming Self” is dreaming into materialized form in and as our life itself. Just like doing dreamwork on a night dream, we can then ask ourselves, what is the meaning of this dream (i.e., our daily life experience)? How would I interpret it? What parts of myself are embodied in the different dream characters that I meet as my life unfolds?

    The encounter with the blind woman was a waking dream that the two of us were collaboratively dreaming up together. Being a mutually shared dream, we can look at what got dreamed up between us from either of our points of view (what dream character was I in her dream, and what part of myself was she?). Who was I in her dream, but a visionary part of herself that she was split-off from, and hence projected out and dreamed up into and as an in-sight-ful (dream) figure in her (waking) dream. As if waiting for me to arrive, it was as if I had become drawn in and drafted into her dreaming process. It was as if I was sent by central casting because I was open and sensitive enough at that moment to simply pick up a role that was being dreamed up in the field, waiting for someone to give it full-embodied, incarnate form. Just like I was the living re-present-ative of a part of herself, at the same time, she was an embodied reflection of a blind part of myself. She symbolized the part of me that was refusing to look at something within myself. In healing her own blindness, she also stood for the part of myself that was now stepping into and embodying a new level of seeing, as if the blind part of myself was regaining its sight.

    It was as if the blind woman was ready to heal her blindness, and just needed a little reminder of what to do. Upon entering the scene I said my lines perfectly, with genuine aplomb, as if I knew the script, as if I had practiced for lifetimes. We stepped into each other’s waking dreams in such a way that our interaction was a re-presentation of what was going on inside of both of our psyches. At the same time that I was being dreamed up by her to help her heal, she was being dreamed up to pick up a (third) eye-opening role in my unconscious. We were collaboratively dreaming each other up, reciprocally co-arising relative to each other, as if we were both contained within and expressions of a higher-dimensional process. This experience between us was an epiphany in materialized form, a revelation in time encoded with catalytic information.

    The two of us were engaged in a mutual synchronicity that we were sharing, not just as passive witnesses sitting in the audience, but rather, we ourselves were the act-ive participants in our own living revelation. Though this experience seemed like a miracle, with Biblical associations, it was actually a synchronistic, auspicious co-incidence of factors, a synergistic convergence of two beings coming together in a moment of time, revealing a deeper, more fundamental creative process at play. At that moment my relationship with that blind woman was the medium through which a more grace-filled order of reality emerged and incarnated into the third dimension. She and I were just the actors through which the deeper process clothed, in-formed, and revealed itself. Not being able to heal by ourselves, the two of us were collaboratively helping each other to dream up our own healing. The archetype of the wounded healer had been constellated in the field between us. The relationship between the two of us is a prototype, a microcosmic iteration of a fractal, of what is available to us en masse, as a species. Just like the blind woman and I, we can come together and co-operatively help each other to heal and awaken.

    Through this experience, a deeper order of reality was revealing itself while at the same time I was being used by it as one of its instruments of revelation. In other words, this deeper dimension wasn’t something separate from myself that I could objectively contemplate, but rather, I was participating in its revelation of itself. I was enlisted in the service of being an instrument for something deeper to happen in the field. I am very clear that I didn’t do anything special, but rather, that a miraculous-seeming event made itself apparent through a synchronistic encounter I had with another human being. “I” didn’t do anything, other than to just be myself. There was no “I” healing anyone other than just being spontaneously present to what arose in front of me. There was no “I” in that in that moment, “I” was empty, an opening, simply allowing the universe to move through me so that healing could happen in the field.

    Over the years I’ve come to realize that what happened between the two of us, when contemplated symbolically, as if it were a dream, was revealing what is happening all of the time, with everyone. With the majority of people, however, this dreaming process between us – in which people are simultaneously dreaming each other up while being dreamed up by each other – is happening unconsciously in a way which usually just continually reinforces each other’s limited, wounded identities. We are all co-dreaming with each other all the time, as we are interconnected and interdependent in such a way that we only ultimately exist in relation to each other, which is to say there is no separation. In a nonlinear, acausal process that happens outside of time, we are all dreaming each other up to play roles in each other’s waking lives. We can help each other to recognize this in a way which helps everyone. We are all dreaming up the deeper field as well as, concurrently, being dreamed up by it, a process that Buddhism calls interdependent co-origination. Every part of the universe is evoking, while simultaneously being evoked by, every other part. The event with the blind woman was a materialized crystallization in form revealing, literally and symbolically, how we dream up our world, what I call “the dreaming up process.” Encoded in what happened between the blind woman and me is a revelation of the dreamlike nature of our universe. Contemplating the experience with the blind woman symbolically, as if it were a dream, was the key which helped me to extract the blessing of what this situation was revealing, becoming the seeds which later helped me to articulate and develop my life’s work.

    “All we have to do to see is open our eyes and look.” This is in essence what I always find myself coming back to in one way or another in all of my writings. I notice that when I am working with people, this is exactly what I am trying to get across – for us to simply open our eyes, so to speak, and see, i.e., to recognize the dreamlike, and hence, creative nature of both ourselves and our situation. It brings to mind the saying of Jesus from the Gospel of Thomas, “The Father’s kingdom is spread out upon the earth and people don’t see it.” All we have to do to see is open our eyes and look. We teach what we need to learn. I am in essence talking to myself. In finding the words I am helping myself heal my own blindness.

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IjNTl1yBQMU
    ~Ascension Clock Again888

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